Century
by Liinshn
Summary: Renesmee had changed. She's not the same girl anymore, since Jacob left 136 years ago. She forgot how to love and to trust someone else than her family and the worst she forgot about herself. /Better summary inside!
1. Confusing Dream

Jacob had left 136 years ago. Since then, Renesmee had changed. She can't trust anyone or love anyone, exept of her family. Everyone thinks she's happy, but after all the years, after she lost so many friends, she just can't be the same. She hardly tried to forget about Jake and she was successful. She always seems to be the strong and heartless one, but inside she's so weak.

It's been now 142 years since Renesmee was born. She's a woman and she lives her life like human. She's a beauty like her mother and special and polite like her father. She looks as the same and she acts like the same Renesmee she once was. But she changed.

She's not the little girl anymore, she learned to be strong. It's been years since the last time she cried about someone. She forgot how it felt to love someone else than her family. She forgot how to trust. She forgot about herself.

Tomorrow I'll turn 142, but just for my family. My friends think I'll turn 18.

I sat in my bedroom, it's green and pink. Yes, right, Alice designed the room. My room is full of music and books and other old stuff. And when I say old, I mean old. I have music from another century. I think I like the same music as my Dad and I love books as much as my mother does. Oh, and I have million pictures of my friends. It was 11 pm and I got nothing to do. So I decided to read a book.

I sat down on the ground and began to look for an interesting book, as it knocked at the door.

I looked up. "Come in."

The door opened and Aunt Alice danced into my room.

"Hello beautiful. What are you doing?" she asked.

"Just reading." I replied.

"Are you not tired,yet? It's late." she said.

"I know, but I can't sleep anyway." I told her.

"Nightmares again?"

I nodded. Almost every night I have a nightmare. It would drive me crazy, but it happened so often that I got used to it.

Alice began to stare at me.

"What?" I asked.

Then she froze. I knew she had a vision.

"What do you see, Alice?" I asked.

She didn't move for about one minute.

She looked at me confused and a little bit anxious.

"Alice?"

"Nothing." she said.

"What?" I asked.

"I saw.. nothing." she answered.

"What do you mean? You can't just see.. nothing." I said and wondered if she just didn't want to tell me.

"She saw nothing. Just black."

I looked up. Dad were standing in the room. I was confused, Alice saw always something she never saw just black.

"This time, she does." he said.

"And what does it mean?" I asked.

"We don't know." he answered.

"I never had something like that." Alice said.

I looked at her. I couldn't explain her expression. It was a mixture of confused, sad and scared.

"Maybe. . you was just blind. That could happen, or?" I asked her.

Now she looked only scared. Totally scared.

"Blind." she whispered.

"What?" I asked her.

She looked at me again.

"Nothing." she said and ran out of the room.

Now I was sure, she hid something from me.

I looked up to Dad. "What's going on?"

He looked at me with a concentrate expression.

"Dad." I said.

He didn't move.

"Dad." I said again. I think I tried to wake him up or something.

"It's nothing." he answered, finally.

"It can't be nothing. She wouldn't be so nervous, if it would be nothing."

"She often saw black, do you remember?" he asked and smiled at me.

I was confused. What did he mean. "I don't know what you are talking about."

"Oh Nessie, remember." he said and went out of the room.

Okay first I didn't understand Aunt Alice, now Dad is confusing me, too. Remember, remember, remember. What should I remember? I'm half-human, half-vampire, actually I don't forget something. I lay down onto my bed and turned the light off. I thought almost the whole night about the remember thing, until I fell asleep at 4 am. Like almost every night I had a dream, but this time it wasn't a nightmare.

I saw faces, many faces. But I couldn't identify one of it. First they were just talking and it was like they weren't noticing me, but then suddenly they stared at me, exactly as I said "me" in my head. Why are they staring like that. Now I could identify one face. It was my Mum. I tried to say hello, but I couldn't. I looked around me, every face became clearly and I identified my whole family plus one face I never thought to see again...

It was 7 am when I woke up. I felt like someone had punched me. It was like I hadn't slept for years. I stood up and walked into the bathroom and looked into the mirror. I looked horrible. I had puffy, red eyes. I looked like I had cried the whole night. Did I cry last night? I thought about it. I couldn't remember. I also couldn't remember the last time I really cried. It must been years. Actually I was too tired to go downstairs to my "always-in-a-good-mood" family, but I did just because of my hunger. I slowly went into the kitchen where Uncle Emmett stood. I sat down on a chair and looked at him. He looked at me with a confused expression in his face. There we were sitting in the kitchen staring at each other like idiots. After 5 minutes I began to get tired of it.

"I have enough." I said.

"Same here." he answered and smiled at me.

"You are very weird."

I looked to the door, Alice stepped into the kitchen, smiling.

"We had just fun in the morning, you know." Emmett said.

Alice laughed. "Oh yes it looked like fun."

Now she looked at me, immediately her smile changed into an anxious look.

"What?"

"Did you cry?" she asked.

"No." I answered. It wasn't necessary to say that I'm not sure, or?!

"But your face, your eyes, I mean you look so.." she stuttered.

"I know I look horrible." I told her and began to smile.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Of course." I answered. Is it so unbelievable that I was probably crying?!

I thought the reaction of Aunt Alice was terrible, but then my whole family came in.

Everyone stared at me. It reminded me of something.

Of course, my dream, I thought. Everyone stared at me also a face I couldn't remember, but I knew there were one more person who stared at me...

"You did cry in your dream?!" Dad asked.

I looked up to him. "Maybe."

Did I cry because of my dream? But why? It wasn't a nightmare this time, it was just a confusing dream. I tried to remember every piece of my dream. There was something I couldn't remember. I did cry, but why?

* * *

Sooo I wrote a new story. I don't know exactly the reason why. I just had an idea for a story, so I wrote it down. Pls review!!


	2. Truth

Everyone looked at me. I think they were excepting me to say something, but what could I say? Guys I don't remember, I thought. Oh Dad, do something, please. I looked at him frustrated.

"Emmett, Rose, Jasper? I thought you wanted to go hunting." Dad said.

Wow, I thought he could distract them better. Everyone looked at Dad, now.

"You want to go hunting? I'll come with you." Alice said. It seems like Aunt Alice understood what we've been trying. She grabbed Jaspers hand and pulled him out of the room. Emmett and Rose followed them.

Grandpa Carlisle smiled at me, it looked like an apologizing smile. "Well, I have to go to work. Have a nice day." he said, gave Grandma Esme a kiss on the cheek and left.

Now it was just me, Mum, Dad and Grandma Esme.

"I think I'll go and call Alice and ask her if she goes shopping with me, later." Grandma said and left the room.

I knew what was coming now. We would talking about my "problems". My day started very well.

"Renesmee, you have to understand us. We just want to know what's going on with you." Dad said.

"Dad, everyday you read my mind. I think you know what's going on." I told him. It was the truth. Always they are anxious about me, but why? Dad knows exactly what I do or even what I want to do.

"Okay, I can read your mind, but your thoughts aren't so clearly, like.. they once was." he stopped a little bit.

"Nessie, I know how you feel. You lost many people, who you loved, in your life, but don't loose yourself." Mum said.

"You don't know how I feel." I became angry, she said the name I hated.

"First I lost your Dad for a long time." She looked at him and took his hand. "Then I lost my Dad and then my Mum. I've lost people who I loved, I was sad when they died. There was a time I didn't smile, there was a time I really needed my family and they were there for me. I just wanted to say we are there for you. Always. Anytime you need us, even at night, you know we don't sleep. " she smiled at me.

I smiled, too. Mum could always make me smile. Anyway, I know that they're there for me, but I just can't talk to them.

"Why not?" Dad asked.

I thought about it. Why? I'd never talked to them about it, but perhaps I should try to.

"You'd lost someone, because they died." I began. "But you don't know how it feel to loose someone, because the person just doesn't want or like you anymore. The people you'd lost, had to go. But it feels worse if the person decides to go." It was harder as I thought, but I went on. "Actually it sounds like the same, but it isn't. If the person had to go, you still know that he or she loved you. If the person decides to go, you feel like you're not good enough, or like you did something wrong. You can't stop thinking of it, you can't stop trying to remember what you did wrong. All the time you think, it was your fault that he left, but then it comes the time, you get mad at him and you know, he left me, he left me without goodbye, he left me without reason and you begin to hate him, to hate yourself, because you've trusted this person. You promise yourself not to make the same mistake again. You stop to trust others, you stop to love others, you think it's good for you, but the truth is, you just break yourself."

During I talked to them I looked down, because I couldn't look them in the eyes. As I finished I looked up. Mum looked like she would cry. I think she would, if she could. No on said something it was an awkward silence. I tried to say something, to make them talk to me, but after everything I said, I couldn't speak anymore.

After about 10 minutes silence, Dad began to talk.

"You can remember?"

"Of course, I can." I said. What did he think? I just forget about it, it's not that easy.

"I thought it, because in your mind was never something about..." he stopped.

I don't know how long it has been, since the last time someone said his name.

"I've just tried not to think about him, I think I was successful." I said.

"Does it make you sad?" Mum asked.

What should I answer?

"Just the truth." Dad said.

"Yes it does. It makes me want to cry." I told them. I just stared at them without an expression.

"But you don't do it?!" Mum asked. It sounded more like a fact than a question.

"Exactly." I said.

"It doesn't change anything, Mum. It just shows how weak I am."

"You're not weak, Nessie. You're not. You never was and you'll never be." Dad said.

We sat there for 5 minutes of more silence.

I couldn't sit there any longer. "We've talked about it, or? Can I go upstairs, now? Please."

Mum and Dad nodded. I ran upstairs in supernatural speed. I just wanted to be alone.

I sat down on the floor and looked around me. Something was different. I looked around in my room. I tried to find something.

"The smell." I said to myself. It smells different in my room. Well, it must be a new perfume from Alice or Rose or something. I lay down on the ground. Finally I could tell them the truth.

So many faces. I could count 9 people. Everyone stared at me. "Renesmee" they said. "Renesmee" they said again. Everyone said my name. Stop it, stop it, stop it! Every face was black, but I knew everyone. Now I could hear something different than Renesmee. Someone said another name. The voice became louder and louder. Now I understood the name. Jacob.

Suddenly I woke up! It was a dream, again. Always these confusing dreams. But this time it was different. I remembered everything. One person said Jacob. I also remembered my last dream. I saw Jake. I really saw him. That's the reason why I cried, because of Jake.. I stood up and went to the mirror. Again. I had puffy, red eyes and my face was wet. Why do I cry about him? I don't want it. I'm not the little, weak girl, I once was. I need to get rid of everything from him. I looked at the clock. It was 5.47 pm. Wow I'd slept a long time. I ran across the room and took everything what reminds me of him. I still wear my pajamas. I dressed me quickly. I put on my coat and ran upstairs.

"I'll take a walk." I shouted without to stop, I ran straight into the forrest. I ran and ran and ran. I stopped at a small meadow. It was 6.34 pm, now. I sat down on the ground and watched the sunset. It was calming me. The sunset reminds me of a song, which I sang often when I was younger. The Call by Regina Spektor.

It started out as a feeling  
Which then grew into a hope  
Which then turned into a quiet thought  
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder  
Till it was a battle cry

I'll come back  
When you call me  
No need to say goodbye

A tear felt down. "I'll come back when you call me." I said to myself. Everytime when I sang the song, Jacob told me that. He promised he would never leave. He loved it when I sang. I remembered the day he left. It was my birthday. I woke up and found a huge packet besides my bed. I opened the packet and found a Teddy bear which looked like a wolf. I was so damn happy about the gift, even it was not the most expensive or the prettiest one. It was just from my best friend, that meant everything to me. On the ear from the Teddywolf was a note, it says: Happy Birthday Nessie. My love, I'm sorry. I'll be there if you need me. I didn't understand what it meant. I ran upstairs to thank him, but he wasn't there. I ran into his room, but he wasn't there either. I asked Mum where he went, no one told me, until Dad talked to me. I was too young to understand what was going on. Another tear felt down. I finally could cry without feeling weak. He left exactly 136 years ago. Since then I stopped to celebrate my birthday. My friends didn't understand, until I told them, that at the same date died a friend.

Now it was 7.00pm. The sun was gone and I made a little campfire. I looked at the pictures which I took with me. Jacob and me when I was 8 months. Jacob and me when I was 3 years old. Jacob and me when I was 5 years old. With every picture I looked at, I began even more to cry. Usually I don't feel cold, but this time I was getting cold, I felt empty and lost. I'd never thought that it would still hurt me so much, after all the years. I took one picture and held it to the fire, till it started to burn. I watched the picture burn. I sat there in front of the fire just crying about pictures and memories. And this time I didn't feel stupid. I just felt sad, totally sad. I looked at the next picture, but I just couldn't burn the picture. I looked at the Teddywolf. Actually I wanted to burn it, but instead I hugged Teddywolf tight. Suddenly I looked up. I heard a howl. A loud howl from a wolf. Every Birthday I hear that howl. The first 4 times I thought it would be Jacob and ran into the forrest, but after looking for him for hours I gave up hope. I looked up to the moon. The tears were still falling. Suddenly I felt huge arms around me. I was shocked, I turned around. Uncle Emmett faced me. What he's doing here?

"Un-uncle Emmett?" I sobbed.

He hugged me tight.

"What are yo-you do-doing here?" I asked.

"Looking for you, Nessie. You shouldn't be in the forrest all alone." he whispered.

I wanted to say something, but I just cried.

"Do you want to go home?" he asked.

I shook my head. No.

"Okay" he said and we sat down. We sat there for a few more hours in silence. I cried and he were just holding me.

Emmett is a huge idiot, always funny and he always needs a challenge. But sometimes he's like a good friend, like a best friend.

I don't how long we sat there. After hours when I stopped crying he picked me up and carried me home. He put me on my bed and left the room.

The last thing I remember is that Mum came in and closed the window.

* * *

Babababaaaam. Next Chapter! I think I was very quick. And what did you think when it comes to the "Suddenly I felt huge arms around me" weeeell of course Emmett! I love Emmett. When I read the books, I was sooo in love with him haha. Guys please please please review. I don't know if I should write on!!


	3. I want my life back

As I woke up the next morning, the smell was back. I've smelled the familiar scent again. I sat up and looked around my room. Someone put the pictures of me and Jacob on my bed and next to it lay Teddywolf. I took a picture and looked at it. It didn't hurt me anymore. I wondered why. Maybe I finally got over it, maybe yesterday helped. I stood up and took the pictures and Teddywolf with me. I went to my table, under it were a box. I sat on the ground took the box and opened it. I grabbed the pictures and Teddywolf and put them into the box. I closed it and stood up. I quickly got dressed and went into the garden. Behind the garden were the forrest. I went into it not far from home and buried the box. It doesn't felt good, it just felt right. I went back to the house and ran upstairs to my room. I went into the bathroom and took a shower. I washed all off, the memories, what had happened last night, just the past. When I finished I felt good, very good. I went to my dresser and pulled out a yellow babydoll dress and put it on. Actually I'd never wear often dresses, but today it felt good. I was in a very good mood, I felt like.. I don't know. I just felt again. It's been a long time since I could show my emotions. Today I showed it with my clothes. I ran upstairs into the living room, smiling.

Everybody looked at me like I was crazy. I just smiled at them.

"That's our Renesmee." mum said to dad under her breath.

Dad smiled at her. He just nodded.

I sat down on the couch next to Uncle Emmett. He smiled at me and put one of his huge arms around me.

"Thank you." I whispered, so he could only hear.

From this moment, I was the old me again. I felt great. I had a lot of fun with my friends and I allowed them to make a birthday party for me. I lived again, even though I knew I would never find a person who could replace Jacob, but I didn't even want to find someone like him. I just wanted to live without him and I realized, I could.

The days passed quickly and every day I felt better.

Today was 18th May. 100 years ago died Grandfather Charlie. It was a hard day for my mother, when he died. It was a hard day for everyone.

It was 4 pm when we drove to the Cemetery of Forks. Forks was reminding me of so many. Many bad things and many, many, many great things. I was born here, I had my friends here, the people from La Push, Sue Clearwater, nice woman, Leah, she never liked me much because of the vampire thing, Quil, Embry and Seth, soo lovely wolfs, I could never play with my human friends like I played with them. I was strong and they were, too, so it worked. But they imprinted and stopped phasing and lived with their wives a normal life. Mostly it was reminding me of Billy. Billy was like a third Grandfather for me. I'd never seen someone like him, he was old and couldn't walk anymore, but he was special. He told the greatest stories, I always could listen to him for hours. Sometimes he was mysteriously, but then the next second, he was the lovingly nice Billy Black again. He was just a bit like his son. Although... No, I think his son was like him. I think Forks was just reminding me of Jacob. Everything here was reminding me of him.

When we arrived, everyone got out of the car. We went to the tombstone of Charlie. We were just standing in front of it like every year. Of course nobody cried, because nobody could. I'm sure Mum would cry.

Everyone laid their flowers down. After 10 minutes in silent, standing around the grave, I went to another. I stood in front of a large gray tombstone.

It just says: R.I.P.

Billy Black

Not only a great man,

also a great father.

We miss you.

And something in a language I could not understand. There was no birth date and no death date, like he wanted it. I laid the rest of my flowers down.

One of the bad things, when you can live forever. Most of the people you love, will die. Sometimes I think it's unfair to live when the others around me are dying. It's making me sad. I sat down in front of the tombstone. I looked into the forest. The forest of Forks, a special place. Some people don't see the difference between the forest in Forks and the others, but I see it. Every step in the forest of Forks would remind me of the great time I had here, of every second I lived here, of every footstep I did here, of every feeling I felt here, in my home, in Forks.

"Yes, it's a great forest, huh?"

I smiled. "Yes it is, mum."

She sat down next to me.

"Is Dad telling you what I'm thinking?" I asked.

"No, I just saw you staring into the forest with that slight smile on your lips." she replied and smiled at me.

"Once I stared like you into the forest, but less smiling, more eagerly." she said

"Why?" I asked, still staring into the forest.

"Once because of your dad, when he had left me. And once because of Jacob and then because of Grandfather Charlie, because he went into the forest to kill a wolf." when she said wolf she smiled a bit.

"You were staring into the forest eagerly, because of Jacob?" I asked. I didn't know much about the past my mother and Jacob had together, I just knew that he was her best friend.

After 5 minutes she answered "Yes."

I looked at her. She knew what I wanted to know.

"Why? Well," she began, " the time when your Dad was gone, was hard for me, but Jacob had helped me to live again. He was my best friend and I knew he will always be my best friend, but he.." she stopped.

I looked at her. I could imagine what she wanted to say.

"..he fell in love with me. But I never loved someone else than your Dad and I was sure that I will never love someone except of him. Jacob knew it, but he tried it nevertheless."

I was confused and a bit upset. I never noticed that he was in love with mum.

"Well, he could good hide his feelings." I said

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"I mean, I never noticed that he was in love with you." I answered.

"Oh no, he wasn't anymore. He stopped loving me, when you were born." she said

I looked at her confused.

She smiled at me. "From this moment, he loved _you_. He imprinted."

I was kind of shocked. Did I understand her right?.. No one told me, ever. I didn't know what to say.

"But.. you never told me."

"We thought you knew it." she said and stood up.

She went back to the others.

Actually no one could ever surprise me, but this time I was more than surprised. I was real shocked. Did that mean, that Jacob knew, that I would fall in love with him, when I'm old enough. Was that the reason why he left. Perhaps he just wanted to be my best friend. Okay, maybe that's wrong. If he was already in love with me than it would be the last thing he had wanted. My God, now I think about it again. Why had he left? That's not important Renesmee! He had left that's all. The conversation with mum wasn't a good idea.

I tried to think about something else.

"Renesmee, come on."

I looked up. Everyone were waiting for me.

I stood up and got into the car.

On the ride home I said nothing. I wasn't even thinking, I just counted the trees.

Suddenly I heard in the radio Nothing Compares to you by Sinead O'Connor.

I loved this song when I was younger. I loved almost every song when I was a little girl.

I just liked to sing, especially when my Dad was playing piano.

I sang the song in my mind.

It's been seven hours and fifteen days  
Since you took your love away  
I go out every night and sleep all day  
Since you took your love away  
Since you been gone I can do whatever I want  
I can see whomever I choose  
I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant  
But nothing  
I said nothing can take away these blues  
'Cause nothing compares  
Nothing compares to you

I liked the first part, because it sounds like she doesn't care about him.

"It's been so lonely without you here  
Like a bird without a song  
Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling  
Tell me baby where did I go wrong  
I could put my arms around every boy I see  
But they'd only remind me of you  
I went to the doctor n'guess what he told me  
Guess what he told me  
He said girl you better try to have fun  
No matter what you do  
But he's a fool  
'Cause nothing compares  
Nothing compares to you"

"It's been a long time, since the last time you sang, or?" my Mum asked.

"What? Did I sing?" I asked. I was confused? Oh, did I sing out loud?

"You did." Dad answered.

Shit. I thought

I saw my Dad laughing.

"Why did you remembered this song?" he asked.

"It was in the radio." I answered.

"No, it wasn't." he said.

I was confused. I heard it in the radio. "But, I heard it."

My mum turned around and looked at me. "The radio is not even turned on."

"Kinda weird." I said.

After that I decided to look out the window again.

We arrived around 8 pm. I went upstairs into my room and changed my clothes. I sat onto my pink couch and turned the TV on. While I was watching TV, I grabbed a pillow. The pillow felt .. not like a pillow. I looked down.

"This couldn't be." I said to myself.

I turned the light on. I was Teddywolf holding in my hands.

But I buried him with the pictures. I looked around and was shocked.

On my table were the pictures, in a picture frame. That was a very weird situation.

I quickly ran upstairs into the living room.

"WHO DID THAT?" I yelled.

"Did what?" Dad asked.

"Come on Dad, you know exactly what I mean." I answered in a furious tone.

"I did nothing." he said.

I looked at the others. Everyone was in the room, now. Probably they heard me yelling.

I tried to sound calm "Who put the pictures and Teddywolf in my room."

I waited for a response, but no one said something.

"IT COULDN'T BE THAT NO ONE WAS IT."

"Nessie, calm down. Do you think we would lie to you?" Rosalie asked.

I looked at her, then at everyone else. "I'm sorry." I said. I felt bad for yelling at them.

I wanted to say anything, but I was too confused. First I wanted it to explain to myself, what had happened. I ran upstairs back to my room.

I took the pictures and looked at them. I tried to find something, but of course I found nothing. I fall onto my bed and looked around the room. I wanted to yell at someone. I stood up and went to the window, I opened it. "I was happy! Totally happy without you. I want my life back !!!"

I knew he isn't out there, if he would be, then I had never yelled something like that.

* * *

Neeext Chapter Ladies and Gentleman :D

Finally I had time to write a new Chapter. I wanted and wanted and wanted, but I was too busy. Thanks for reading. Pls review.


	4. I'm sorry

After that evening, I dreamed every night of a wolf who was howling. It was a sadly, depressed howl. The wolf, from which the howl came, got hurt badly, that I knew for sure.

I didn't try again to bury the pictures and Teddywolf. I just put them into the box.

I did not understand it. I was so happy, I was just living my life again and then my new life broke into million of pieces. I don't want to say I'm the depressed, heartless Renesmee again. I'm just different. Everyday I'm thinking of what had happened and I try to understand. I guess I have to give it up, it must have been a stupid joke.

Even though I thought about it every day, I never thought about Jacob. It wasn't exactly reminding me of him, so I didn't stop thinking of it. It was good to have something different in my mind, than him.

It was New Year's Eve and I knew it would be a long, long year. A year full of questions, a year full of pain, like every year. I was smiling all the time, to make my family happy, but of course, dad knew that I was just acting.

Now, 2 months later, I had the proof, that it would be a year full of pain.

When I woke up around 9 am I couldn't believe what I was seeing. On the edge of the bed lay the pictures of me and Jacob and I was Teddywolf holding in my arms.

I was .. I don't know. I was furious, confused and sad all at the same time. I was sick of these stupid jokes. Everyone knew that it was killing me inside to see these things. Now I was just mad. Mad at everyone, at Dad, Mum, grandfather Carlisle, grandmother Esme, aunt Alice, aunt Rose, uncle Emmett, uncle Jasper, but mostly at myself. I stood up and ran out of the house into the forest. I didn't even change my clothes. I ran and ran till I suddenly stopped. I looked around me, to make sure no one had followed me. When I was sure I began to scream. I stood there just screaming. After a few seconds I stopped. I sat down on the ground and inhaled the fresh air. It was getting to much for me. I don't want to live like that, anymore. I want to be strong, again. I want to smile and I want to mean it. After hours, sitting in the forest, I got up and went back to the house in human speed. When I arrived Mum came and hugged me tight. Behind her was standing Dad. I knew he read my mind and told her what had happened.

"We want to talk to you." Mum said.

I went inside and Mum and Dad followed me. I sat down onto the couch and looked at them. I didn't want to think about what was coming next.

"We will move." Dad said.

I was surprised. I wasn't sad, maybe it would help me to forget about some things.

"Where will we move?" I asked.

What Mum said now, was shocking me.

"Forks."

"Forks?" I asked.

"Yes, Forks." Dad said and smiled at me.

Forks would definitely not help me to forget about things.

"Why? I mean why will we move to Forks?" I asked still not believing.

"Because it's time to leave. School is over and it's been a long time since we lived there." Dad answered.

"I thought you like it, there. You always said it's reminding you of so many things." Mum said.

"I know that I said that and I meant it, it's my home, but .. I don't know. I think I can't believe that we will move." I said and smiled slightly when I thought about to live in Forks, again.

"When?" I asked

"Tomorrow." Dad answered.

"Tomorrow? Wow, that's pretty soon, don't you think?" I said

"Well, if you want to we can stay a little bit longer." Mum said.

"No, no. I'm okay with it." I said, even though I wasn't.

"I go upstairs in my room and..,you know and choose what I want to take with me." I said and went to my room.

I sat onto my bed and looked around. Maybe it's good if I would take nothing with me, then it's like a new start. I looked at the pictures which still lay on the edge of the bed. I grabbed Teddywolf and put him to the pictures.

"You will stay here." I said.

The next day when we arrived at Forks was surprisingly a good day. I was in a good mood when I walked into my old/new room. It still looked like the last time I was here. It's about 130 years since the last time I was in that house, the last time I was at home. Now I noticed that I never felt in every other house we lived, at home. Now I felt at home. I didn't say my friends goodbye. I didn't want to lie at them, so I said nothing.

I went to the window and opened it. I inhaled the fresh air of Forks when it knocked at the door.

"Come in." I said.

"Do you like your room."

I turned around and looked at Alice. "I love it. It's like we had never left." I smiled at her.

"It's a good feeling to be back." she smiled a bit and sat onto my bed.

"Yes, it feels awesome." I said and looked at her. She didn't smile anymore. I sat next to her.

"What's wrong? Aren't you happy to be back?" I asked.

She looked at me with a serious expression.

"It's not that. I am truly happy to be here." she said.

"So everything is okay?" I asked.

"No, actually not. I want to talk to you. I want it since a few months, but I was not sure if I should."

I was confused. "Then talk to me, now." I was afraid of what was coming next.

"I'm not sure if you want to here it. I'm not sure, it's just an idea, not exactly an idea, more a thought." she said.

"Alice, I don't understand." I said.

"Do you remember the night? I saw nothing. I often saw nothing, always when I tried to see someone." she said.

So Dad was right? Alice saw often black ?

"I still don't understand."

"You can't remember, huh?" she asked.

"No." I answered.

She just sat there and looked at me. "Oh, Alice just tell me."

"You know I can't see wolfs. Always when I tried to see .. Jacob I couldn't, I saw nothing. Sometimes I also didn't see your future, because of him. It's just an idea, perhaps.. Jake did these things. You know the pictures and so on."

I looked at her, not believing what I had heard.

"Do you mean.. Jake was in my room?" I asked, but I didn't even want to hear her answer.

She nodded.

"No! That's impossible. Jake left, okay? Do you think he would come back and hurt me like that?" I said in a furious tone. How could she think something like that.

"Probably he didn't want to hurt-"

"NO! STOP THAT!" I yelled.

"He isn't here, he left, he will never come back." I said and tried to sound calm.

"Nessie, calm down. It was just an idea." Alice said.

"Don't call me Nessie!" I yelled and began to sob.

"Hey, forget it okay? It was just a stupid thought." She said and hugged me.

In that night I could not stop to think about it.

Would he come back just to hurt me? That was the question I asked myself all the time.

When I fell asleep I was dreaming of a howling wolf again, but this time the howl was more full of pain than in any other night. And this time I went to the wolf. I stopped next to him and we both looked into the dark forest. There was no light, just the big moon. I placed my hand on his huge back and felt his soft fur. He howled again. I was comforting him until he looked at me. I saw a huge tear rolling down his face. It was breaking my heart to see it. I knew this wolf. I was playing with him when I was younger, I laughed with him, I shared everything with him. He was my best friend until he left. I asked the wolf "Why?" He looked at me and began to howl again. I heard the pain.

I woke up. It was midnight, I looked around me.

I smelled the familiar scent. The scent from my old room.

Someone was in my room. Someone who's smelling like that.

I turned the light on and began to cry. I knew that was coming. The pictures and Teddywolf in front of me. I didn't know who was doing it all the time and I wasn't allowing myself to think it was Jacob, but it had to stop.

"Whoever is doing that, please stop that. I don't know why you do it, but it's killing me." I began to cry. "It's reminding me of someone who I don't want to remember. PLEASE STOP KILLING ME." I yelled the last part. I just hoped the person had heard me. After 5 minutes I heard a painful howl and I was not dreaming. I stood up and went to the window. The howling came from near the house.

I opened the window and jumped out of it. I don't wanted to ran trough the house and let everyone see that I was running in the forest. I ran to the howl. Suddenly the wolf stopped howling and I stopped running. I tried to hear something. I heard someone hard breathing and moving. The wolf began to howl again. I followed the howl in human speed and stopped when I was standing behind a huge howling wolf. It was like my dream, but in my dream I wasn't afraid. He stopped howling again.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

The wolf quickly turned around and faced me. He didn't notice that I was here.

He shook his head. He answered my question.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

The wolf began to howl again.

After he stopped howling he did something I couldn't see. Then he looked at me again and ran away. I wanted him to stay but I was speechless.

I went to the place he stood and looked on the ground. He wrote something.

It says "I'm sorry."

Sorry? Sorry for what? Who was it. It wasn't Jacob.., or?

I didn't want to think about it anymore. I ran back to the house and ran into my room. I just wanted to think about something else.

The next morning was as confusing as the night. I sat up in my bed and saw a note on the window. It says "I'm sorry."

Who is sorry? The wolf is sorry, but why? Because he ran away, because he had hurt me?

So many question and no answer. I decided to ask aunt Alice if she would go shopping with me. Than I had something else to think about and of course she said yes.

Since that night I did everyday something with my family. It felt good to know that I have a family which understands me and which is always there for me.

I began to play piano again. I've stopped playing for a long time. I also draw again. My latest picture were a wolf in the moonlight. Playing piano and drawing worked good to show my feelings, without talking about it.

After a few months in Forks I realized it wasn't the same anymore. Yes, it is my home and it will always be my home, but there was something missing. I thought it would be great to come back to Forks, because there is my real home, there I was born and there is my family. It isn't like that anymore. My family isn't here anymore. I did think of all the great things and of everyone I love, but I never thought about, that the people I love aren't here anymore. We left, they left, I mean, We moved, they died. Sitting alone in the forest is not the same like it once was. Once I knew someone from the pack would come and play with me or Grandfather Charlie would show me how to shoot a deer. Now I was sitting here next to the "I'm sorry" and thinking of all the great people I've lost.

* * *

It's a short, and confusing Chapter, but I wanted to upload it, because I think the next days I won't have time to write.

Probably some of you are thinking she shows her feelings with drawing ?? oh please! But I do the same :D I love to draw and my latest picture were a wolf in the moonlight :P. So questions and question haha who was the wolf ?!! It doesn't have to be Jake ! Well I promise the next Chapter will explain a few things and maybe Jacob will be in it. Pls Review.


	5. Dreamless night

Loneliness is sometimes a good feeling and sometimes not.

Happiness is sometimes a good feeling and sometimes not.

Hate is sometimes a good feeling and sometimes not.

Loneliness makes you often sad, but sometimes you want to be alone.

Happiness makes you of course happy, but sometimes you don't want to be happy.

Hate makes you often angry, but sometimes you need hate, because sometimes it's the only way to stop another feeling. A feeling called love.

Playing piano for three hours. I listened to my own music, I felt good. It happened a lot of things in the last days, weeks, months and years. I decided to forget about it, but of course I thought about it everyday. I wasn't really in the mood to play piano, but I was alone and playing alone was relaxing me. My whole family were out hunting, I went yesterday so I decided to stay at home.

I started to play the lullaby, dad made for mum. I loved to play it, it was easy and a beautiful sound. When I was playing, I suddenly heard a knock. I went into the living room and looked around me. I went into the kitchen and did the same again, but no one was there. I was going to go into my room, when I turned around and saw.. I saw.. her.

I was just staring at her, I wasn't able to speak.

She did the same, she was staring at me, too.

After about 5 minutes just staring at each other she finally began to speak.

"Renesmee?"

I nodded, that was all I could do.

She started to smile, I never saw her smile at me.

"You know who I am ?" she asked.

Of course I knew it, I could never forget.

I nodded again, but this time I answered "Leah." I sounded nervous.

She nodded. She looked exactly like the last time I saw her.

"What are you doing here?" I asked and tried to relax.

"I want to apologize, because of the thing, you know, in the forest. I think I was a bit mean." she answered.

She was the wolf I saw?! "You don't have to be sorry, you wasn't mean, just a bit confusing." I said very fast and still nervous.

She smiled again. It was a weird feeling to see her happy.

"I'm not just here because I wanted to apologize, I also wanted to talk to you." she said and her smile changed into a serious expression.

And now I was afraid. I don't wanted to talk to her it would just remind me of things I didn't want to remember.

"Is it okay?" she asked.

"Yes." I said immediatly, but in my mind I was yelling NO, NO, NO.

She sat down onto a chair and I did the same. She smiled at me again, but this time I looked into her eyes and I saw it was a faked smile. I saw the sadness in her eyes and the pain I heard when she was howling, the night when I was in the forest.

"How are you?" I asked. Two seconds after that question, I did regret that I asked.

"I could say I'm fine, but I don't want to lie to you, too. I feel horrible." She said and her faked smile was gone.

"Probably talking to me wasn't a good idea." I said.

"No, I don't feel horrible because I'm talking to you. I feel good sitting hear and talking to you, I never felt so good for years. I feel like I talk to a family member." She looked down when she said the last part. I never imagined to hear Leah saying something like that, but I had to say, it felt good. I wanted to comfort her, but I didn't know how. I did just smile at her. I had so many questions, but asking her would make her sad and me, too.

"Where are you living?" I asked, I think it wasn't a bad question.

"In the forest of Forks." she answered.

"But sometimes I'm at home, I mean in the house my family once lived."

I knew it was hurting her to talk about it, but it seemed like she wanted to talk about it.

"You can ask me any question you want." she said. She noticed that I wanted to know more.

"Seth." I said.

She looked down again. "Oh Seth. He was a good boy."

"Was?" I asked.

"Of course he imprinted like every other wolf, stopped phasing and died." she said in such a cold tone I never heard from someone.

"Oh." was the only thing I said.

I wanted to talk about better things, so I started to talk about the old times, when we were a family. We remembered everything, we were laughing and having fun. It felt kinda good to have fun with Leah, to see her happy, made me happy. We laughed about ourself, about how hard she was hating me and she told me about every funny thought from the other wolves. She said it was interesting to hear the thoughts of boys. After about an hour we were just talking about the pack, but not about Jake.

"What happened to the others.. I mean, did you ever see one of them again." I asked. I think she knew what I wanted to know.  
"Yes, I met one of them again, but it's been years." she said and looked at me like I wanted to ask more. I said nothing, I knew that she was talking about Jake.

"He left you?" she asked.

I nodded. Didn't she know? I mean she met him, didn't he tell her?

"I love Jake, you know that he's a brother for me," she began and then she said something that was surprising me "but I think, leaving you was a mistake."

"Why do you think that?" I asked, I wanted to know.

"Because it ruined him and you, too. I think that wasn't what he wanted." she said.

I was confused. "It ruined him?" I asked.  
"Oh Nessie, of course. He loves you more than his own life he would fight for you and he would die for you, he would do anything just for you. It broke his heart when he left you. You just have to stand next to him and you could feel his pain. He doesn't talk about his feelings, but you would see the pain in his eyes. I saw the pain in his eyes and I heard the pain in his voice. Leaving you caused him much pain." she said in a serious tone.

I tried to stay calm, I don't wanted to yell or to start crying.

"He didn't have to leave me. No one said he have to, no one wanted it. Why did he leave?"

"I don't know. He didn't tell me." she answered.

"Do you know where he is?" I asked hopefully.

"No it's been a long time since I met him."

It was making me sad to hear it, but I felt more pain when I heard what she said after that.

"I don't even know if he's alive."

I don't wanted to hear it, but it was too late. I wasn't able to move. I wasn't even able to cry or to feel something.

"You... think.." I couldn't finish the sentence.

She nodded. "I always felt that he was here, you know. I just felt I wasn't alone, but for a few months I feel nothing, it's like he isn't here anymore."

"Jake … dead?" I wasn't believing. "That's impossible." I said and stared into her eyes.

"I don't know if he's dead, I just feel like he's gone." she said.

I stayed strong, I don't wanted to cry in front of Leah.

Suddenly she stared out the window. "I think I'll go now. Your parents will be back soon." she said and stood up. She went to the door.

"Leah?" I said.

She turned around. "Huh?"

I went to her and hugged her. I felt that she was surprised, but it didn't take long till she hugged me back.

"Please come back soon. Visit me again." I said still hugging her.

"I will, I promise." she said. I let go of her and she went out of the house.

I went upstairs into my room and sat onto my bed. Now I realized that I was talking to Leah. I thought about our conversation. She really thought that Jake is dead. He couldn't be dead.

Now I thought about the he-loves-you-more-than-his-own-live- part. I always missed Jake, because he was my best friend and a part of my life, but even after I talked to my mother about the imprint thing, I never thought about him like a boyfriend or something.

Do I love him? I thought. Of course I do, but do I love him in another way?

No I don't, I mean he was my best friend and I just love him, because of his friendship.

I didn't notice when my family came back, I already fell asleep. It was a dreamless night. I felt good the next morning. Talking to Leah kinda helped me. Now, when I walked through the forest, I knew I wasn't alone, I knew Leah was here.

* * *

Neeext Chapter yaay :D It's short again, but I think it explains a few things. review pls !!!


	6. My Nessie

JACOB ISN'T DEAD! Just a small information first.

* * *

Sitting in front of the TV was my new hobby. I wasn't in the mood to do something else. Alice asked me everyday if I would go shopping with her, but my answer was always no. I told no one that I was talking to Leah, but I was sure, Dad heard already in my mind. It was surprising me that he didn't want to talk about it.

"Do you want to go shopping with me?"

"Alice, give it up, I won't." I said.

"Oh come on, Emmett and Rose will come with us." she said.

"Emmett? Is he crazy?" when I said that, I heard Emmett's loud laughter from the kitchen.

"Yes, he is, but I think you knew it before. Now come on it will be fun." she said.

"I don't need new clothes, I have enough."

Alice looked at me like I was crazy. I was so stupid. How could I say something like that to Alice.

"Enough clothes? You never can get enough of clothes, you need them to stay alive." she said.

I began to laugh. "Oh you're so right aunt Alice, but I think I will go with you another time."

"Promise?"

"I promise." I said.

"Okay, have a nice day." she said and went out of the room.

Now I promised her, so I had to go shopping with her. Well, I think someday in my life I want to go shopping and then I go with Alice, but now, I just wanted to sit on the couch and to do nothing.

"Sitting on the couch again?" Mum said and sat down next to me.

"Maybe." I said.

She smiled at me. "Oh Renesmee don't you like to do something else?" she asked.

"Oh no, I like this film, I don't want to watch another one." I told her.

"Something else than watching TV." she said and turned the TV off.

I looked at her. "No." I said and turned the TV on.

"Nessie, I'm serious. It's not good for you. You're not the type who is everyday watching TV. You like to go out, to be in the forest and I know you like to go shopping with Alice." she said and I knew she was right.

"I know how I am, but today I'm not in the right mood to do these things." I said.

"You aren't in the right mood for about one month."

"Probably I'm sick or something." I said.

"Oh I don't think so. I think there's something in your mind, you want to tell me."

"Dad told you?" I asked.

"He told me nothing, but now I know there's really something in your mind. Do you wanna tell me?" she asked.

"No." I answered. I wanted to tell her, but it felt wrong to do it.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"I'm sure." I answered.

"Okay." She stood up.

"Mum?"

She looked at me. "Yes?"

"It's not like I don't trust you. It's just.. it doesn't feel right. I will tell someday." I said.

She began to smile, gave me a kiss on the forehead and went out of the room.

Now I wanted to watch a DVD. I went to the shelf, closed my eyes and picked one of them. I picked The Dark Knight. Ew such an old movie, I don't like batman. I closed my eyes again and picked another DVD. I opened my eyes and it was.. I didn't know what it was. I decided to watch it. I just wanted to know what it was. I sat onto the couch and turned it on. It showed a room, my room. Someone was talking to the camera.

"That's Renesmee's room. She's not here, I think she's outside with Seth." the voice said. I noticed it was Emmett.

The picture changed, now I saw the living room and my dad.

"Edward, little brother. Say something."

Dad was looking confused but talked. "Why do you do this?" he asked.

"That do people to remember the old days, you know." he said.

Now he looked even more confused. "We can remember "the old days" without a video, believe me my memory is good and if you should forget something I will tell you, brother." he laughed at him.

Now I saw Emmett speaking. "He's such a cutie, isn't he?" he winked and began to laugh.

Now I could see the forest and I could see.. me. Me when I was a little girl. I was playing with Seth.

"Renesmee!" Uncle Emmett yelled.

I saw a little Renesmee running to him. "Uncle Emmett, uncle Emmett." I said.

"Are you punching the shit out of Seth?" he asked.

I was grinning at him "Yes, I doooo."

"That's my girl." Uncle Emmett said.

"No, she's my girl." I heard someone saying and then I saw him.

Jake was running to me. "Nessie." he said.

I opened my arms and he lift me up. "Jake" I said and smiled at him.

"Where were you? I was punching the shit out of Seth."

"You did what? Don't use words like these." he told me.

"Uncle Em said it." I said an pointed to the camera.

Jacob laughed at him. "You can't talk like this to a little lady." he said.

"I'm sorry miss." Emmett said.

I was smiling all the time. I looked so happy, I never saw me so happy. Everyone looked happy. It wasn't hurting me to see it, it felt good.

"Nessie, Grandpa will be here in a few minutes, come on." I heard my mum yelling.

"Grandpa." I said and smiled.

Jacob let me down and I went into the house.

"Adorable little girl." Jacob said and smiled.

I was smiling when I heard him saying it.

Now I saw my whole family and the pack, though they were also my family.

We were sitting at a big table eating. It looks like.. I don't know. I think it was Thanksgiving.

Everyone was there, it was weird to see them again. It was hard to remember this day. It was one of the days I wanted to forget. We were talking and laughing and Emmett had fun with the camera. Suddenly I saw just Jacob sitting in front of the camera.  
"Talk to the camera, love the camera, be the camera." Uncle Emmett said with passion.

Jacob was laughing. "Okay, okay. I talk, but please stop talking." he said.

"Okay I say nothing. Talk!"

"What can I say?" he began and smiled. "Well, I am Jacob. I'm living here in Forks with my family and I'm in a good mood in this moment. Today is the birthday of my Nessie. She'll turn 4 and now it's around 7 am, so she isn't awake, yet. I hope it will be the best birthday ever and she will have a great day. So, there isn't something left to say." he said and the TV went black.

He said MY Nessie.

"We have a lot of this videos."

I turned around. Jasper stood at the door.

"Emmett had to much fun in making these videos." he laughed at this thought.

"I totally forgot about the videos." I said.

"Well, you wanted to forget, so you did." he said and sat down next to me.

"You wasn't in the video." I said.

"Yes, I wasn't so happy about the camera thing."

I looked at him. He smiled. "I was the one who broke this thing."

I began to laugh,but I quickly turned serious again.

"He was happy with us, he called us his family." I said.

"He was happy, really happy." he said.

I looked at Jasper "Do you know why he left?" I asked him.

"No and if I would know then I wouldn't tell you." he said.

"Why?"

"'Cause if he didn't tell you then I think no one else should. I think it's his job to do it."

"But he can't do, he's gone." I said and looked down.

"He didn't tell you that he will leave, but he did. He didn't tell you that he will come back, perhaps he will."

"He had enough time to come back, but he didn't. Do you really think he'll ever return?" I asked.

"I hope so." he said and stood up and went out of the room.

* * *

So that was just a little Chapter I had the idea so I wrote it down, I think it's not an important one. I just wanted you to say again that Jacob isn't dead!!! I wanted it to be a bit dramatic, I never could kill him. haha So I think he will be in the next Chapter :D. And now I'm going to sleep, because it's around 2 am and I'm really tired. Good night ;D and pls review.


	7. Why Jacob, why?

At first I want to say, I like Batman haha I love the movie The Dark Knight. ;D Enjoy reading.

* * *

Just another boring Saturday. It was raining and I was shopping with Alice. Yes, I was really shopping with her. Today I was in the mood to do something else than watching TV and I promised her.

"I think to go shopping today wasn't a good idea." Alice said.

"What? Are you sick?" I asked and looked at her in disbelieve.

She began to laugh. "Oh, no I'm not. I'm just thirsty. It's been a while since the last time I was hunting."

"Oh, okay. Then let's go." I said and turned around to go to the car, but Alice stopped me.

"No, no beauty. We stay. Today you wanted to go shopping, it's not fair if we go now." she said.

"Oh, Aunt Alice, it's okay. We can go another time." I said and crossed the street.

"Renesmee stay here. Let's buy just one thing." she shouted.

I stopped and turned around. "No, let's go. We can go shopping on Monday." I said.

But she didn't answer she stood there staring at me and not moving. She had a vision.

I looked confused at her. "Alice what do you see?" I asked and went to her, but suddenly I heard a car and someone shouting. I wanted to look around me, I wanted to see what's going on, but I couldn't. I felt like I was flying. Someone had lifted me up and the next thing I saw was Alice staring at me. "Are you okay Renesmee?" she asked.

I was confused. "What was that?" I asked.

"I'm so sorry, so, so sorry. I had a vision I couldn't see what's happening. Then the car came and you and, oh, I'm so sorry." she said hysterically.

"Calm down Alice. Nothing happened. I'm okay, thank you." I said.

"Don't thank me, I did nothing." she said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I told you, I saw nothing, I had a vision. I saw just a car and then nothing, just black again. I'm sorry." she apologized again.

"But who brought me here?" I asked her.

"I don't know. I thought you helped yourself." she replied.

I looked around me, no one was there who could have been so fast.

"I'm sure you're just shocked." Alice said.

"Come on, let's go. Shopping on Monday is a good idea." she smiled at me. It was a slight irritating smile.

I stood up and we went to the car.

I saw Dad standing at the front porch when we arrived. When I got out of the car he came to me and hugged me.

"Nessie are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine Dad. Just a bit confused." I said.

He let go off me and looked at me. He gave me a kiss on the forehead. "Your mum doesn't know about what had happened. I think you should decide if you will tell her or not." he said.

I smiled at him. "Thank you Dad. I will think about it." I said.

He smiled, too and went to Alice and talked to her. I never saw Alice so surprised. Nothing could surprise Alice. I went up to my room and sat down onto my bed. I was mad at myself, I couldn't remember who the person was, who had helped me. I lay down and listened to the words of my family. They were talking about hunting.

"I will asked Nessie if she will come with us." Mum said.

"I don't want to go hunting, I'm tired." I shouted.

It knocked at the door. "Come in, but I already told you I won't come with you." I said.

My Dad stepped into my room. "I know, I stay here, too." he said.

I looked up to him. "Oh, okay." I said.

He sat down onto a chair.

"You want to talk?" I asked, but it sounded more like a fact.

"Yes." he answered.

"About?"

"About what had happened." he said.

I just looked at him.

"You said you are confused."

I nodded. "I am." I said.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because someone had helped me and I don't know who. I am sure I did nothing, someone was there." I answered.

"You are mad at yourself, because you don't know who the person was?" he asked.

I shook my head. "No, not exactly. I'm mad because I don't understand what happened. I'm not human I should have see it coming, but I noticed nothing. I didn't know what was going on, you know? I mean I'm fast and strong and it should be no problem for me when a car is almost crashing into me, I should have ran away, but I did just nothing. I can't understand it."

"You are human, half-human. You wasn't concentrated." he said.

"No Dad, you don't understand. I feel like it happened to a friend, you know? Like I brought a friend in danger and I just did nothing to help him." I looked down, he didn't understand me.

"I understand, you feel like you made a mistake, if you had been more concentrated then nothing had happened and you should have done it better, because you know you could. But that isn't true. Everyone make mistakes, even me although I'm a vampire and not just half-vampire. You are able to help yourself in a situation like this, but today it wasn't meant to be." he said.

"Probably you're right." I said.

"Probably." he said and smiled.

I yawned.

"Tired?"

I nodded.

"Well, then I leave you alone then you can sleep a bit." dad said and went out of the room.

I didn't thought about the day anymore I just tried to sleep. It didn't take long till I fell asleep. I woke up around 7 pm. It was already dark outside, but I decided to take a walk. I went upstairs.

"Taking a walk?" dad asked.

I turned around and smiled at him _Yes_ I answered in my mind.

"All alone?"

_Yes_ I said again.

"Okay, but don't go too far away from the house." he said

I nodded and went into the forest.

I inhaled the fresh air. I felt good, finally my mind was free from every bad thought. I walked slowly through the forest and looked around me. Even in the darkness it was reminding me of so much. I stopped near a big tree, of course there were a lot of trees, but this tree was mine. I touched it and looked for the words.. 'Werewolves and Vampires are best friends.' I began to laugh when I read it. It was Seth who did that. He loved us like his own family. Under this sentence was another one which said 'We love our Nessie, everyone of us would marry her, everyone but Leah. We love u.' I laughed again. I could remember the day, they wrote it. I wanted to marry every single one of the pack. I sat down, leaned against the tree, closed my eyes and smiled. I smelled the scent of good memories. The life took my friends from me, but it could never take my memories. I heard footsteps. Probably a person who took a walk like me. The footsteps became louder and louder, they broke my silence. Suddenly it was silent again. I opened my eyes and stared into the dark forest. Probably the person also found a place to sit down and to relax. I was alone, there were just me and the silence. I began to sing as quite as I could. Then I slowly began to sing louder and filled the silence with my song.

"Sunday morning rain is falling." I began. "Steal some covers, share some skin. Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable. You twist to fit the mold that I am in, but things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do and I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew, that someday it would lead me back to you, that someday it would lead me back to you." I loved the song. There was a time when I sang it every Sunday morning. I smiled when I remembered. "That may be all I need." I closed my eyes. "In darkness she is all I see. Come and rest your bones with me. Driving slow on Sunday morning." I opened my eyes and looked up to the dark sky. "And I never want to leave." I saw a shooting star and quickly started to think about a wish. After 2 seconds thinking I knew that I won't wish me something, because I was okay with my life now. It wasn't what I had dreamed of, but hey who has the perfect life? I think no one, because no one really deserves it, so why should I deserve it, I'm not a better person, or ? I'm just Renesmee with a great family. I think that's all I need and all I want. My family. After sitting there for a while longer I stood up and started to go back to the house, but I stopped moving. I heard someone right behind me. He or she was hard breathing and I felt that the person was staring at me.  
"Hello?" I wasn't thinking I just spoke. I didn't even turn around.

I heard the person moving, I heard loud footsteps. I turned around, but I just saw the big trees. I looked around me, I knew he or she was still there. I still heard the fast heartbeat. Then I saw someone coming up from behind a tree, my tree. It was a man, a dark haired, big man with short hair. He came closer. It was a face I hardly could recognize. His big brown eyes looked so old and tired, like he didn't sleep for years. Suddenly the clouds were gone and the moonlight was shining at us. Now I clearly saw the person in front of me. I was speechless, emotionless, just shocked.

He began to smile. It was a slight smile. He looked down at me, he stared into my eyes, it looked like he wanted to find something.

"Jacob." I whispered very slow.

He raised is his eyebrows and smiled even more. "Renesmee." he said. Now I was sure, I heard it by the sound of his voice. He. Was. Back.

I began to smile I just did it, I wasn't able to do something else, I wasn't even able to think.

"My Nessie. After all these years, still so beautiful."

When he said that, I stopped smiling. After all these years.. I thought about the words. After all these years. The years when he wasn't there, the years when he was gone. All the years I spend without him.

"After all these years.. " I whispered and looked down.

He stopped smiling, too. I guess he noticed that I wasn't so happy anymore.

I looked up again. "After all these years without you." I said.

He looked away from me. After a few minutes when he looked back at me he said, "In all these years, I saw you growing, laughing, playing and becoming a beautiful woman." he started to smile again.

What was he saying. I was confused.

"You saw nothing, you didn't see me growing up." I said and glared at him.

"You wasn't there to see me doing all these stuff."

He looked away again. It caused him pain to listen to my words. I could tell you by his expression.

He began to shook his head. "I wasn't gone." he said without looking at me.

Was he kidding me? It wasn't funny.  
"What are you talking about?" I whispered. I sounded sad and kinda desperate.

He stared into my eyes again. Too much sadness in just two big brown eyes.

"I could never leave you. I have to be there to make sure if you're okay. One week without you, without knowing if you're okay was almost killing me."

Now I was even more confused.

"What are you talking about. You wasn't there. Every fucking birthday was without you, every time when I was sad, you wasn't there, almost every night I had a nightmare just because I was anxious about you, because I didn't know if you're okay. When where you there? Tell me Jacob, tell me." I said, I sounded kinda cold. There wasn't any emotion in my voice.

I couldn't describe his expression. I was telling the truth and he had to know it.

"Every night since I left."

"What?" I asked.

"Imprint isn't an easy thing, you know. I came every night into your room and watched you sleeping. I also saw you sitting in front of the tombstone of my Dad. Bella told you about the imprint thing, I thought since then you knew that I can't be so far away from you." he said in a quite calm voice.

I wasn't believing his words. "Every night?" I whispered.

"You came every night and didn't let me know and now you think you can come to me and telling me 'Oh I wasn't gone, I was there ever night, every day, always close to you, but hey you didn't know, funny huh?' Please Jacob why did you do that, that doesn't make any sense at all. If you were there all the time why did you told me that you leave. Oh, sorry I forgot you didn't even told me, you just wrote it down and gave it to me on my birthday." I yelled at him. I was furious.

"I wanted to leave. I was gone, one week. I was in La Push trying to forget about you, about my.. I mean, your family. Leah came to me and told me that you'll move and I knew I couldn't stay in La Push, if you are so far away from me. I wanted you to be happy, I had to make sure you're happy, I had to follow you. So I did." he whispered the last part.

"I wasn't happy Jake. Since you left I felt like a family member I loved, would be dead. It was hurting me to talk about you. After so many years I began to try to forget about, but I couldn't, too much things were reminding me of you." I told him.

"Teddywolf." he said.

He knew. Why did he know that?

"You brought the things always back to me?" I asked in disbelieve.

He nodded and looked down.

"Why?" I just asked.

"You almost forgot about me, I wanted you to remember me. It was hard just to see you without talking to you, it would have been harder when you couldn't remember me."

"You wanted me to be happy."

"I want you to be happy." he corrected me.

"So.." It was hard to say that. ".. why are you back? Do I seem happy?" I looked up into his eyes. There wasn't any emotion in it.

"Don't be mad at yourself, I helped you today." he was totally ignoring my words.

"Did you hear what I said? Ja-" I stopped. I started to think about what he had said.  
"You helped me?" I asked.

He nodded.

Now I understood. The reason why Alice couldn't see what will happen, was Jacob. She couldn't see him.

"Um.. thank you." I said but still glared at him.

It was too much for me. The day was beginning horrible and ending horrible. I didn't care about what I was saying anymore. I just said what I was thinking.  
"I was missing you. I always thought how happy I would be if you would return, but now I don't feel good. I feel like a stupid little girl. I thought it was my fault that you left. No one was telling me the reason why, they just said Jacob loved you, remember that. I forgot about it, I stopped believing it." A tear rolled down my cheek. I stopped hiding my thoughts, so I also stopped hiding my emotions.

"Alice saw you leaving." he began. "She saw your future. So it meant that it would be a future without me. She saw you running away from home, because you felt like a freak. You didn't want to live with a werewolf and vampires anymore. You hated it to be half-vampire. She saw a life without you and without me, so I decided to go. When I decided, she told me that your future changed. She said she could see you living with them, happy. Everything changed when I decided to go, so I knew it would be my fault if you leave."

* * *

It took a long time for this. I'm soo sorry. I had a few ideas for this Chapter, I wrote different versions of this Chapter down, but I liked none of it haha Suddenly I had a new idea and well that was it. I have to say I'm not satisfied, but perhaps you are. please review :)


	8. Forever

Was that an explanation for what he did?

"I don't know if you understand me. I had to go. I had to make sure that your future would be a good future, that you will have a life full of happiness. It was almost killing me to go, but waiting till the time you'll go would have definitely killed me." he said.

He looked at me like he waited for an answer. What should I answer? He left me because of my future. I really didn't get it. It wasn't a reason to leave. I thought so.

"Just because of my stupid future. You're back now. Don't you think that now my future is in danger or something. Will you leave me again, now? Did you come just because to explain me the reason you left and now you're going to leave again. Tell me the truth Jacob. I don't get it that can't be the only reason you left." I said. I was furious, I didn't understand him.

He looked to the ground and said nothing. He stood there 5 minutes without saying anything. I became a bit nervous. Why did he say nothing. I came closer to him and tried to look into his eyes, but he looked away.

"There's another reason." I said, this time very calm.

He looked at me, now. He looked so sad.

"There isn't any other reason, not exactly. It's just more." he said.

"More?"

"Alice.." he began. "She didn't see just a future without you and without me. She saw what will happen to you when you're gone."

I was waiting for him to go on, but he said nothing.

"So? What would have happened?" I asked.

"You would have gone to the Volturi." he said.

The Volturi? I would never do that.

"What should I want from them?" I asked.

"You would have wanted to join them." he said and looked down.

I was confused. "But you said that I would have hated it to live with vampires, that I would have felt like a freak and then I go to the Volturi and feel normal. That doesn't make sense."

"I know, but Alice said you would have felt good there, because you would have liked it that they don't act like they are normal like your family do. You kinda felt home."

"They would have let me join them?" I asked.

"Yes, they would have liked it that you're half-human they would have thought that you would be useful." he said and looked like it was haunting him to tell me that.

"So you didn't want me to join the Volturi?" I asked.

"Kinda.." he said.

"There's more. Right?" I asked.

His nervous expression told me that I was right. I looked at him and raised my eyebrows. That was kinda a sign to show him that he should tell me and I think he understood.

"You would have fell in love with one of them." he said really fast.

"What?" I asked even though I understood what he said.

He looked down.

"I know it's selfish." he mumbled.

I was speechless. There were no words I could say.

"I felt horrible, because I thought so selfish. That was another reason for me to go. I don't wanted to be the jealous wolf by your side who's making your life worse. I'm sorry for everything I did. For leaving you without saying goodbye, for coming back without telling you, for my selfish thoughts, for never being there for you..I love you Nessie, but I just wanted the best for you I would understand if you can't forgive me...and I will go if it makes you happy and I will stay if it makes you happy."

I stood there saying nothing. I didn't know how I should react.

After 10 minutes silence Jake came closer.

"May I ?" he asked.

I nodded and he hugged me. It felt good to have him so close to me, to smell his scent. His slow breaths were calming me. I knew he was sorry and he didn't do that to hurt me, but it didn't feel right. I pushed him away and went a few steps backward. I stared at him.

"I'm sorry." he said.

I shook my head. "Don't be sorry."

He looked confused.

"It doesn't change anything when you're sorry." I said.

I went more steps backward until I barely could see him. "**I** am sorry." I said and a tear fell down.

I ran at home as fast as I could. I ran upstairs in my room without saying anything to someone. I fell down onto my bed and began to cry. I didn't know the reason why I began to cry, I think it was just a hard day. Today happened too much.

It knocked at the door. I said nothing, but I heard someone coming in.

The person sat down onto my bed.

"Shhh." I heard.

I turned around and looked at my Dad.

I tried to stop sobbing. "He-he's back." I sobbed.

Dad nodded. I stopped crying a bit. Dad was staring at me.

"What shall I do?" I whispered.

"I don't know, you have to decide."

That wasn't what I wanted to hear, but he was right.

"I just wanted to say that you have to learn to forgive, it doesn't matter how hard it seems. I don't mean that you should forgive him, just that to forgive isn't a sign of weakness. Think about it." he smiled at me and gave me a kiss on the forehead.

I wanted to think about it, but I was too tired, so I fell asleep.

I was dreaming. I saw the whole day again, but the end when I was standing in the forest with Jacob was different. I forgave him and everything was fine, but then he said he have to go and went away. I was standing alone in the forest, left again. I woke up.  
I was just afraid to lose him again.

"You didn't tell me what to do."

I sat up in shock and turned the light on. Jacob was sitting at the edge of the bed. I stared at him.

"I told you I'll go if it makes you happy or I stay if it makes you happy, but you ran away without telling me what's making you happy." he said.

"Stay." I said without thinking.

He began to smile. It's been a long time, since I saw him smile like that.

"But.." I began.

He looked at me and the smile began to fade.

"You have to stay forever." I said.

The smile came back. "Forever? I can definitely live with that." he said.  
I noticed a tear rolling down my cheek.

"Don't be sad." he said.

"I'm not. I'm just happy." I said and hugged him. I don't know when I fell asleep. I just knew I fell asleep in his arms. My best friend is back, finally. Forever.

* * *

I'm sorry it took a long time for such a short Chapter, but I'm so busy at the moment. I don't know when I will upload the next one, because the next week I will be in London (yaay :P) then the other week I have to work and I think there's no time to write or to think about a new Chapter. Perhaps you could help me. Send me ideas so I don't have to think so much and I can upload sooner haha :P Pleas review. Und ein herzliches Dankeschön für die ganzen Kommentare die ich schon bekommen habe. Ihr seit toll. A bit in german ;D


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